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:iconzachthefloatzel: More from ZachtheFloatzel


Submitted on
October 16, 2012
File Size
7.9 KB
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Mature Content


7 (who?)
Mature Content Filter is On
(Contains: violence/gore, strong language and ideologically sensitive material)
I sat in Math class staring at the board listening to the teachers lectures. I rested my cheek on my fist and daydreamed even though it seed as if all my focus was on the teacher. I regained my sense of reality when I felt my friend tapping on my shoulder. The teacher wasn't paying attention so I turned over to whoever was poking me. "What?"
I whispered to my friend Cameron who stopped poking me scince he had my attention. Me and Cameron had know eachother for as long as I could remember. He was my a little shorter than me and was a year younger. He had very short blonde hair that didn't stick up at all. He had brown eyes in which he wore rectangular metal glasses over. He was the Second tallest and Second oldest of the group. And unlike me he was the least mature one of the group. That was probably due to his ADHD. Me and everyone else just kind of put up with it. "Hey Zach." He whispered back. "You and John wanna meet up at your place and hang out later?" He asked.
"Sure my parents are out right now anyways. You have to pick up John though."
"Aww come on why cant you do it?" Cameron whined.
"Because unlike you I have pets to feed and chores to do." I replied. "So either you pick him up or you shut it up."
"Fine. I'll be there at-" Before he could finish the scentence our Math teach Mr. Wessner walked in between us with a strict look on his face.
"Is there something you two would like to share with the class?" He snapped.
"No sir." We said in unison.
"Well then I suggest you boys stop talking and start paying attention." "Im only letting you two off the hook on the record that Zach never gets in trouble and gets good grades." "Im sure he was trying to get something through that think skull of yours Mister Cameron." He turned amd walked back to the front of the class all the while going on with his lecture. I looked over at Cameron with a very smug look "He's got that right."
"Shut up Zach." He mumbled. After the school day ended and everyone got home I went up to my room and plopped down on my bed. As soon as I did my phone started buzzing. I sighed and reached over and grabbed it "I didn't even get to take off my sweat-shirt." I pressed the button and I put the phone to my ear. "Talk to me." I said
"Hey Zach." I heard my friend JohnAlan's voice in the phone. It sounded a little electronic as it did on all phones. "Im in Cameron's car were on our way there.
"Are you kidding!?" I yelled. "I just got home!"
"Yeah well Im already in the car so tough luck buddy."
"Just perfect" I groaned "Well hurry up then if your gonna get here, please get here soon."
"Can do man."He hung up and I did also. I fixed my sweat-shirts hood and got back up. I was the oldest, tallest, and usually the most mature of the group. I had dark Brown short hair that stood up. It was sort of frizzy and I could never do anything with it so I went with what I like to call the "All natural" look. Right now i was wearing a white sweatshirt with Maroon words and the picture of a wildcat on it. It was our school colors and mascot. I was also wearing my favorite pair of carpenter jeans. They were dark blue but also very worn. I had the sleeves rolled up and I was wearing my grey Nike shoes. I trudged back down the steps and walked through the dining room and into the kitchen. Then I got a soda from the fridge amd walked into the garage. I walked to the door and opened it. "CREEEEAK" the door was old and needed to be replaced but none of us really minded it. I walked outside and in the driveway. I practiced my shpts on the basketball goal while I waited for them. They soon pulled up and got out. John was the first to get out. John was the youngest of the group and also the shortest. He had thick Orange hair that was combed over to the left. He was almost as mature as me and was also just as smart. Me and him were as close as any two friends could be. Cameron soon exited the car and both of them walked over to me. I asked them why they wanted to come over so bad and JohnAlan was the first to speak up. "Well you know that old High school thats down the road from your house?"
"Yeah I know the one your talking about."
"Well we saw this video on YouTube from some guys that went over there. It was super dark so it was hard to tell what happened. But they said it was haunted and they kept acting all crazy."
"Yeah." Cameron added "One kid kept repeating over and over Class's Dissmssed. Class's Dissmissed. In a freaky voice. He was under some table and kept repeating it for awhile."
"Yeah but we know its tottally fake and we know you love supernatural stuf so we thought you would wanna come check it out with us."
"Your damn right I do!" I said excitedly. "When are we gonna go?"
"Right now." John said. "Its just across the road we can walk over there."
"Well what are we waiting for?" I said "Lets go!" we walked across the road and up to the front of the school and stared up at it. "So who's goinf in first?" Cameron said. "Im sure as hell not."
"Umm I don't like leading mabey I should stay behind you guys." John said.
"Alright you big babies." I said. "I'll be the real man and go ahead." I walked up to the door and went through the broken part of the glass door ignoring my friends ugly looks. They followed right behind and walked into the dirty, freezing, decaying school. "Wow its dark in here." I said squintin so my eyes could get used to the dark. We walked inside and up the old broken rickety stairs to the upstairs area. We walked down the hall over tp the other side past all the lockers and rooms to an old broken window.  A little light peered through the broken part of the window showing all the dust in the air. "Hey guys." I said "You know how that kid in the video kept saying Class Dissmissed" I said?
"Sure I remember." John replied. "Did he show the camera anything?" I said
"Yeah come to think of it he pointed it to a poster that said "Class Dissmissal 5:45." I looked over at the wall to somehing that looked out of place and dusted it off. "Did it look like this?" I said and looked at the sign that said the exact words on it.
"Sure is." Cameron replied.
"And what time is it right now?" I asked.
"Its Five Fourty-Three." John said pulling up his sleeve to look at his watch.
"Okay so heres the plan." I said "Were gonna stay here until Five Fourty-Five and see what happens."
"Yeah." Cameron said "I bet that will just prove that dumb video was a fake." After two more minuites nothing happened. "Ha." Cameron said with a smug look on his face. "It was just a big lie. Its Five Fourty-Five and nothing happe-" Just as he was finishing his gloating the whole school shook for a second. "Oh god whats happening!?" John shrieked.
"Its and earthquake!" Cameron screamed out.
"No guys!" I yelled "Its not an earthquake look!" The ground sopped shaling and all the lockers and doors swung open and hit the walls and other lockers. We all watched in a pertifying horror as the giant hordes of the undead busted out from the rooms and ran in all directions toward the edit doors. The ones stumbeling toward us sped up amd snarled and growled. Clamping their miss-shapen teeth together and tumbelinf around with bloody mouths and shrunken pupils. Their eyes were coal black and they had miss-shappen bodies and limbs which where sticking out grossly gushing out gunk and blood. They charged at us clamping their teeth in hunger. "Thoes guys don't look very friendly." Cameron said
"They sure do look hungry though." John said in a scared quiet tone. And just as the stomping and clattering of the feirce undead coming for us swept over becoming the only thing that could be hear two words slipped out of my mouth in a hushed calm voice. "Class Dissmissed."
All ideas are mine and mine alone. Trademark. Cast: Me, My best friend JohnAlan, My friend Cameron
Also this has Mature content block for obvious reasons.
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ok first let me say that this was F****** AWESOME!!! The creativity in this and the mere idea made me laugh. the ending freaking scared my pants off, then my pants undid themselves, ran into the bathroom, and pissed themselves. And then the toilet did a backflip. I dont really have anything bad to say except to add a little bit more detail towards the end, like on the little quake and the lockers and all the paranormal SPOOKEH stuff, if you know what i mean. I do agree with you, this is probably your best story yet! keep up the good work, bro!! :)
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6 out of 6 deviants thought this was fair.

Critique by lilywolf101 Nov 5, 2012, 1:42:11 PM
what can I say this is amazing and scary to. love the way at the end and the beginning where it starts out at school and then ends at a abandon school(I think) ,and I love the characters in the story its very amazing and love the way you have written this gave me a chill up my spine also i like how Zach was not afraid to go into the haunted school and the the lockers that were slamming and those beasts were cool to.So what can i say this is a awesome story agree or not? nice job :)
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SnakeManvsArbok Jan 27, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Useless? I gave my honest opinion!
ZachtheFloatzel Jan 27, 2013  Professional Writer
I know you did. And it didn't help me with anything on how to do it better sometimes I have blood and gore and you have to deal with it. this did not help me better myself at my writing I spent nonstop hours writing this with no break and Im proud of it. So get over it.
SnakeManvsArbok Jan 27, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I understand, but you should understand I was giving you advice, and I think the blood cliche was done nicely. I just think you should add buildup to the reveal. Look up the channel "SomeOrdinaryGamers" on YouTube and you'll know what I mean.
ZachtheFloatzel Jan 27, 2013  Professional Writer
I work with a college professer that approved the story. I think its fine.
SnakeManvsArbok Jan 27, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Let's just agree to disagree.
ZachtheFloatzel Jan 27, 2013  Professional Writer
Omg this gave me goose bumps... This is ur best story yet
ZachtheFloatzel Jan 8, 2013  Professional Writer
Thanks. I got sorta lazy with the second one but I wrote it from Midnight - 1:Something
ZachtheFloatzel Jan 8, 2013  Professional Writer
So I was like *Slowly types*....... *Faceplants keyboard* AWAKE!
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